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Grit and Courage: A Story of a Family Living With HIV

More than half of the women in Nepal are deprived of basic education and health care. The situation of illiteracy and poor health is worse in rural areas of the country. Parvati Karki is no exception. Growing up as an illiterate orphan, in the rural area of Parvat distritct of Nepal she went to Mumbai, in search of employment with her uncle, leaving her three younger sisters in the village. 

Parvati spent the next 7 years of her life working in many places in Mumba as domestic help, washing, cleaning and cooking for different people. At the age of 23 she met Mr. Bal Krishna Bastola, a photographer, and fell in love. But despite Bal Krishna’s repeated proposal to marry Parvati, she refused because they belonged to different castes. Bal Krishna belonged to a higher Brahmin caste and Parvati belonged to a lower Chettri caste. When Bal Krishna was unsuccessful in convincing Parvati to marry him even after several attempts, he began threatening her by saying that he would attempt suicide if she did not marry him. One day, in his attempt to force her to say “yes” to his marriage proposal, he physically assaulted himself by banging his head on the stone floor until he got hurt. Parvati could not bear this agonizing condition and agreed to marry him in 1998. 

Two years after her marriage, Pavati gave birth to a boy, followed a few years later by twin girls. Four years later, in 2004, Parvati and her husband returned to Nepal and started living in the Tanahu district, the home town of Bal Krishna. Although, they lived in the house which Bal Krishna inherited from his family, it was difficult for them to survive. They had little farm land in which to grow enough food and no other source of income. To add to their troubles, Bal Krishna was often sick, a condition he attempted to hide from his wife saying that he didn’t wish to worry her. When Parvati enquired about her husband’s illness, he told her it was malaria and would get better soon. Unfortunately, things only became worse.

Bal Krishna was actually infected with HIV, a disease that he contracted while visiting a brothel in India. With ongoing deterioration leaving him bed-ridden for weeks at a teim, he had no choice but to finally confess his status to his family. Parvati was shocked and devastated, feeling doubly betrayed. All this time that she had cared for her husband she believed that he was struggling with malaria, and then later tuberculosis. In addition to their financial troubles, putting the whole family in jeopardy of starvation, now she faced the care of her dying husband—with no resources and minimal health care.

Bal Krishna felt despondent and guilt-ridden for the predicament they now found themselves in. With no hope, and debilitating depression as well as chronic pain, he believed that the best course of action would be for both his wife and himself to commit suicide. Parvati would have probably agreed to this plan if it weren’t for their three children. Bal Krishna was so desperate and miserable he insisted the children would be better off without them and that his three sisters would care for the children after their death.  

Parvati had already sacrificed so much in her life, and given up so much, that she was unwilling to surrender to this final humiliation. If her husband wanted to give up and die, that was his choice. She would somehow find a way to continue on her own. Bal Krishna tried to persuade his wife to change her mind, to join him in his death, but she stubbornly refused. They argued constantly about this but by this time he was so weak that he spent most of the time unconscious. A few weeks later, Bal Krishna succumbed to multiple complications from HIV.

Parvati was now left alone to support her three children. She had no job, no marketable skills, no education, no family support, no land, and no resources. She had hoped that perhaps her husband’s sisters might assist her but they wanted nothing to do with the stigma of this tainted family. They had also never forgiven their brother for marrying a lower caste woman. Parvati was a Chettri and would always be a Chettri. To make matters worse, the family became ostracized in the community.

If this seems like the most tragic tale possible, then imagine what could only be worse. One month later, Parvati confirmed fears as to why she was feeling so sick herself: she was infected with HIV that she had contracted from her husband. “I knew then that I would die soon,” Parvati admitted. “Who will look after my children? What will happen to them after I’m gone?” Parvati was so despondent she had no tears left to shed. All she could do was rock back and forth and think about her babies, her children, her wasted life.

Desperate and without any other choices, Parvati wandered the village, hoping that someone might assist her. But there was no one. The children were hungry, at one point going without any food for five straight days. She barely had enough energy to function. It only costs $25 per month to feed her children but her only source of income (when she wasn’t sick) was to pick rice for $1 per day. Many days she could not get out of bed. The family lives a two hour walk from the village and the school, requiring that they walk over two mountain passes in the Himalayas, often in the dark. Parvati is experience respiratory problems lately, making it increasingly difficult for her to make the journey.

Kiran Regmi and Digumber Piya, two of the Directors of our Foundation in Nepal, first heard about Parvati and her plight when she came to the local health clinic for assistance. Kiran, as a physician, could treat some of her physical symptoms but was also concerned about her family’s well-being. Parvati approached Digumber after hearing about our efforts to provide scholarships for needy children who would otherwise be unable to attend school. If ever there was a case crying out for help, this was exactly what we had planned for; Parvati and her children, and so many other families like this one, were the reason we established our Foundation in the first place.

Assured that her children will now have sufficient food, and that they will be able to attend school, Parvati now feels calm and happy. The prospect of impending death no longer frightens her.